Star Spotlight 30: Hector

Charismatic. That’s the one word that best encapsulates this guy, in my mind.

I have gotten to know Hector over the past 3 years, while he’s been in a relationship with my sister Clara. And it’s true, part of why Hector means so much to me is because he means so much to her; I have seen Clara grow in new ways while in relationship, deepen into herself and her partnership, and really blossom with love. However, in writing about Hector today, my intention is to see him outside of a “Clara lens” — to take stock of all the gifts he shares that aren’t inextricably intertwined in their relationship.

Hector is a really hard worker. He has an impressive ability to “put his head down” and do what needs to be done. I have never heard him complain about his heavy workload, or long hours. I have seen him take the time and space he needs to fulfill his tasks, and expend extra energy when necessary. He can pick up the slack for others, focus diligently and competently, and complete his duties with efficiency and at a very high level. I also really admire how Hector is able to clearly delineate his schedule: once he is finished with work, he is able to energetically separate himself from it, and move on to the other parts of his life he cherishes.

In addition to demonstrating that he really knows how to work hard, Hector really knows how to relax — a balance I think is vitally important for Hector to be as high-functioning of a person as he is! Without “letting loose,” I can’t imagine he would be able to maintain the rigorous hours he puts into his work. I love seeing what relaxation looks like to Hector: sometimes it’s reading a book, sometimes it’s messing around on his phone or watching Netflix, sometimes it’s having a long and leisurely phone conversation with his family, sometimes it’s playing games with a group, sometimes it’s just lounging around and doing a whole lot of nothing. Whatever it is, I see Hector really cherishing his days off, and being able to really let his feelings of “What do I want to do today?” guide him — rather than having expectations take the lead, or getting into his head and thinking “What SHOULD I be doing today?” It seems to me that Hector has an inherent and deep-seeded trust in himself: that he will make the decisions that will be most supportive to him, and let his intuition and whims guide him to experience true satisfaction. I also really appreciate his flexibility, and how “satisfaction” can entail a whole different set of things, depending on his mood and his energy level and the people he’s with. He’s definitely able to go with the flow, and in this way, is very easygoing.

In addition to being easygoing, however, Hector’s also pretty firm with himself, and has a clear compass of what’s right and what’s wrong. He has strongly established morals — partially from his upbringing, and partially cultivated from his deep sense of inner wisdom — about what it means to be a person of value, and how to best contribute to society. I imagine Hector sometimes runs into challenges around this, as he holds himself up to an immensely high standard (perhaps more than he does anyone else). Though he almost always exceeds the level of competency he desires, there are times when I imagine he gets a little tripped up and confused about whether or not he’s really in the place he wants to be in life. He can be very hard on himself. That all being said, I can’t wait to see the amazing man Hector will continue to grow into, as he takes more and more initiative in crafting a future that’s exactly in alignment with the person he wants to be.

Hector is astonishingly good at taking responsibility for himself. Perhaps even more astonishingly, this comes without him beating himself up, playing victim, or being self-deprecating. He’s honest and frank (with himself, and others) when things aren’t how he wants them to be, but it’s never from a place of antagonism or blame. Rather, he approaches conflict from a reasonable and rational place, with full awareness of the part he has played in the situation, and willing to look unflinchingly at the reality of the situation. Have I mentioned yet that Hector’s a great communicator? Yeah, he’s that, too. It is hard for me to believe that someone for whom English wasn’t his first language is able to navigate the nuances of the language and conversations so adeptly.

Hector currently lives far from home, and the majority of his family still lives in Mexico. I’m not sure where his permanent home will be, but I’m sure glad he’s currently hanging out in the Pacific Northwest. Hector, you’ve brought so much to this world: a great sense of humor, an infectious smile, and a sneaky smirk. An ability to be truly present to the situations you’re in, and take everything in stride. An admirable work ethic, and also a sense of play and levity. A resourcefulness, creativity, inventiveness, and curiosity. You listen so sincerely, and I can tell you really care about the answers to the questions you’re asking. Thanks for enhancing the lives of everyone you know!

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